I was always drunk and needy while he was always composed. This picture was our relationship. But our relationship was more than just about my seeking his approval, or the occasional times in which he’d get really mad at me because I’d catch him in a moment of acting dumb. In between all that, we genuinely had a good time together that stemmed from a mutual and fraternal love. We were brothers, and we were brothers in a family that I removed myself from a year ago. That family gathered together on Monday when they heard, and when they called me and told me my heart left my body for New York and I left my everything-but-my-heart in San Francisco. I need to go back to them, to be with them, because the love of that family is the closest thing to the love I lost when I lost Ryan.
I leave for New York in a week. These are not the circumstances under which I wanted to visit. Not at all. But it will be good to see my family.